somewhere in between

Just thinking..

Thu, 27 Dec 2012 21:30:00 -0500

The best songs are the ones that tell a story, a conversation, or even just a reply. The best songs are not sung —they’re spoken. The rhythm and beat are almost silenced, and you simply hear the voice, the artist speaking to you/of you. The lyric is amplified by the music that persists during gaps between words. They often end too soon, echo through the day, and leave you quiet, haunted, drowning in thought.

Dinner at champetre! Simmered Ox Tongue with Braised Leeks and...

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 11:38:00 -0500

Dinner at champetre!

Simmered Ox Tongue with Braised Leeks and Ravigote Sauce,Butter Seared US Black Angus Beef Onglet with Roasted Shallots, Fries and Salad, Gratinated French Onion Soup, and french bread.

Happy 25th! :) Can’t wait for our next food food venture!

I love my dog so much i can cry!!

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 09:13:36 -0500

I love my dog so much i can cry!!

A letter to you that you never saw coming

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 14:09:54 -0500

I don’t know what triggers it exactly -the time of day, the place where i eat, where i study, the mirror on my wall (persistent on reminding me of my age), seeing friends fall in love, loved ones having kids.. maybe its everything i said, and everything in between. Maybe i cant point out what exactly triggers it, because it no longer leaves the recesses of my mind. I have opened pandora’s box, and i cannot escape it

Its this feeling of loss. A feeling of i-cant-have-that-ever. I feel stolen from, deprived of that chance. You see, there are times when love consumes me, times when i feel so overjoyed, so loved and in love that i feel like screaming it at the top of my lungs.. Those times when every thing stands still, i look at your face and i’m affirmed i have found the one. its moments of disbelief and magic when im reminded that i have found someone to love, and thank God, loves me the same. It is all too consuming, really.

But i must always hold back. Hold back my joy, my happiness, because the world is not ready. It is not ready for us. Not in this part of the world, at least. It is a horrible feeling seeing all your friends wear their hearts on their sleeves but you cant pretend youre happy the same. In a world where relationships and marriages last for a mere 24 hours, it is awfully painful how i cant celebrate five years of love with you, with much pride and anticipation of more tomorrows.

I feel deprived of not loving you the way i want to, not loving you the way you deserve to be loved. Yes, i think of this constantly. At the back of my mind, beneath all the facade, in my dreams, and when i wake, i always want to give you the certainty, even without you asking, that this is real in spite of.. That this is genuine happiness —modified.

P.S. I think this is why i miss ateneo. Because it was our world, and it was carefree. Be patient with me, and we’d wander of every city holding on to one another, yes?

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I didnt realize this was the only picture...

Mon, 31 Oct 2011 22:44:00 -0400

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I didnt realize this was the only picture we had together for your birthday dinner!! :(

Maybe next year, we can have more? ;)

Thanks for the food!!!

Let me tell you a thing or two

Sat, 25 Jun 2011 22:54:00 -0400

Yesterday was a momentous day for all gays and lesbians. Yesterday, another state —New York, approved the bill on same sex marriage. And this morning, I woke up hearing the news that actor Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka are engaged. My views on same sex marriage don’t matter. What daunts me more than anything is the HATE. Just when I thought that perhaps people are beginning to open their eyes, I look at them and they are tightly shut. Their ears are covered, and their mouths screaming of hate. The ratio of haters to those who are happy 30:1, perhaps more. I had to look away. see for yourself:

Who really cares anyway…just another sign that Jesus is returning soon so let the corruption continue! Just feel sorry for those babies… -sdwi

Great, this gives them the ok to start having sex in the streets in front of our children. -John D

Gays are death to America. - Steve

By their very nature, they are MUTANTS. They are mistakes in genetics, something went wrong in their DNA transcription and it came up with this. -Jim John

I want them to all die of AIDS.

Next thing you know, they’ll legalize perversion and say “thats just who I am”

-> This is why gay youth are committing suicide.

I’m not asking for that you give EQUALITY now. I’m not asking that same sex marriage be approved in all states and nations. I just want you to realize:

Tao din kami na nagmamahal sa kapwa tao. Don’t reduce us to rabid animals, out to kill you “people”.

p.s. what is so wrong about adoption? Do you even know how many kids are deprived of their right to be loved, educated, and taken care of? When has being gay limited one’s capacity to be a good provider and role model?

He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. -John 8:7

You, mother, drive me insane

Mon, 30 May 2011 07:34:06 -0400

You HAVE TO complain about EVERYTHING. And i mean, EVERYfuckinTHING.

You suck the life out me, and you cage me like I just turned 4. No one has the right to be completely happy around you, because everyone must make you happy first. Sometimes, and I am quite serious about this, I feel like getting a gun and pointing it to my throat, and say: “One more word and I will seriously do this.”

Your complaints stab my ear, anyway.

P.S. I’m not suicidal. I just want a way out aka a life

“Words! Mere words! How terrible they were! How clear, and vivid, and cruel! One could not...

Fri, 27 May 2011 06:47:16 -0400

“Words! Mere words! How terrible they were! How clear, and vivid, and cruel! One could not escape from them. And yet what a subtle magic there was in them! They seemed to be able to give a plastic form to formless things, and to have a music of their own as sweet as that of viol or of lute. Mere words! Was there anything so real as words?”— Oscar Wilde in The Picture of Dorian Gray (1890)

painful, isn’t it? But true nevertheless

Sat, 21 May 2011 22:39:50 -0400

painful, isn’t it? But true nevertheless

For the first time EVER, I wanna get inked. “As Motoori...

Wed, 18 May 2011 09:38:38 -0400

For the first time EVER, I wanna get inked.

“As Motoori Norinaga, noted Japanese scholar of the 18th century, wrote in a poem, ‘If I were asked to define the spirit of Japan, I would call it the blossom of the mountain cherry, scattering its scent in the morning sun.’ “

“For the Japanese, the beautiful period of its flowering and then the all too soon fading and subsequent scattering of petals on the wind, symbolizes life itself - but not life in some abstract and distant sense. The fragility of the cherry blossom is the fragility of human existence; its brief period of life, like our own; its implacable movement toward death, indifferent to the good things of this world, is the ideal death for a samurai warrior; and finally, its individual and perfect beauty is also ours. Poignant for some but hopeful for others, the symbolism of this staple in tattoo artwork seems almost more than a single flower could bear.”

Everything in life is transitory. Even pain. Quite comforting don’t you think?

Carpe Diem!

P.S. I seriously seriously wanna get inked. Too damn pretty

Fearless confessions

Tue, 17 May 2011 12:16:00 -0400

I am not even close to how I thought I would live my life. My choices are too safe. As a matter of fact, most of them are not even mine.

I’m not proud of who I have become because I’ve always thought I could do better.

I thought I can change the world.

I mean WTF do i know about the human fuckin body?? I still can’t understand it. I still don’t know shit about it.

Ah, but words.. that I’m familiar with. I can find my way around them. In them I find comfort, solace, and even truth. To you, it may be a photograph, a painting, a beat or a particular rhythm. But to me, it has always been words.

What’s in a word, you may ask?

And I tell you, Everything. everything.

Then I guess, I’m lucky :)

Thu, 12 May 2011 10:19:06 -0400

Then I guess, I’m lucky :)

AMEN. A Peyton Sawyer moment in life.

Sun, 08 May 2011 07:25:49 -0400

AMEN.

A Peyton Sawyer moment in life.

And our history will never be erased You were a great...

Sun, 08 May 2011 07:13:00 -0400

And our history will never be erased
You were a great companion
And some memories will never ever fade
So I love and so I hate

Often my friends ask me if I miss you. Everytime I answer, “no”. No, not all, nothing. I am left with a vivid memory of friendship, and I would like to keep it that way.

Sometimes, however, I remember you through a photo, a song, a story. And I remember what we used to have. You were the one friend I could endure anything for. You had a way of making me understand what others could not, and making me stay when others would not. What daunts me more than anything is how far we are now to how we used to be. I buried you in anger and hate.. overnight. And from knowing everything about you, I now know nothing.

I actually like nothing. It protects me from you.

I remember how my quest for nothingness began. I left. Just left it all. Without words, without proper goodbyes. I left you, or perhaps you left me first. That is still debatable. And that’s fine. After all, there is no proper closure for a friendship like ours. But rest assured, it is closed. My door, my eyes, ears, lips, and most importantly my future. The memories will stay, but to you, I am forever closed.

So as I stick to our memories, let me hate you for a while, and get over it ten minutes later. Because with much relief and a faint hint of disbelief, those are all I have left.

Funny. :))

Mon, 02 May 2011 19:32:08 -0400

Funny. :))

Photo

Sat, 19 Feb 2011 00:44:30 -0500

2010 is a year i shall never forget. Thank you for coming home.

Thu, 30 Dec 2010 14:17:07 -0500

2010 is a year i shall never forget. Thank you for coming home.

Wonderful Christmas this year, isnt it? Loved it to bits. :)

Thu, 30 Dec 2010 13:57:59 -0500

Wonderful Christmas this year, isnt it?

Loved it to bits. :)

it does, doesn’t it? :) leilockheart: By erin.alyssa.

Wed, 27 Oct 2010 08:48:38 -0400

it does, doesn’t it? :)

leilockheart:

By erin.alyssa.

Hope. Faith. Action. God shall do the...

Mon, 25 Oct 2010 06:30:50 -0400

Hope. Faith. Action.

God shall do the rest.

leilockheart:

quote submitted by timbot